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Friday, December 12, 2003
Today’s List: The Top Five Worst Movies I Have Ever Seen

By Steven Taylor @ 5:12 pm

Yes, there was no list yesterday, but there were two on Wednesday…

File today’s under “Pop Culture":

Worst Movies I Have Ever Seen

(Not counting ones I have seen on MST3k)

5. Tarzan. The one with Bo Derek. My word that was a boring flick.

4. Red Dawn. Perhaps the worst Cold War movie ever made. The plot expects us to believe that a) the Soviets can take over the US with the help of the Cubans, and then b) part of the invading force could be repelled by a bunch of kids? Yeesh.

3. Johnny Dangerously. All I remember is that we couldn’t finish it, and my Dad, who usually will finish anything, got up to do something else.

2. Mars Attacks!-A movie where truly all the funny parts were in the commercial. The movie itself is nigh unwatchable, and highly, highly unfunny.

1. Howard the Duck. The only movie I paid to go see at the theater that I walked out on. It was utterly horrible. I would note my credulity that George Lucas was involved, but his recent efforts have knocked the bloom off that rose.

(Inspired by Crooked Timber: A name to my pain, which was in turn inspired by Off the Kuff: Movie badness is an issue Americans care deeply about)

If you want to play along, here’s how.

Filed under: Today's List
  • Off the Kuff linked with Movie badness is an issue Americans care deeply about

Click here to go to the main page.


  1. “Tarzan” was truly awful.

    But unwatchable? Hardly!

    Turn off the sound, and fastforward to the bits where Bo Derek is naked. Very watchable, indeed.

    Comment by Stephen Green — Friday, December 12, 2003 @ 5:14 pm

  2. Ok, ye hath a point. I do recall that said scene did lead a certain teenage male to watch said flick to learn how boring it indeed was…

    Comment by Steven — Friday, December 12, 2003 @ 5:24 pm

  3. The Two Worst:
    Showgirls - boring beyond belief despite constant nudity.
    The Piano - I like arty movies, but the pretension in this film is enough to gag a famished Roger Ebert.

    The Two Best:
    Miller’s Crossing - early Coen Brother film. Dialogue you wish you could come up with just once in your life, great story, best tommy gun scene ever.
    One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest - after all these years it still holds up well, one of the few movies that’s better than the book. What a cast, the smallest role seems fleshed out and genuine.

    Comment by chthonic — Saturday, December 13, 2003 @ 12:03 am

  4. One word in praise of Red Dawn . . . the mission that caught Saddam this weekend was “Operation Red Dawn.”

    Comment by Matthew Stinson — Sunday, December 14, 2003 @ 2:40 pm

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